I Am Not

I am not me
Lost my soul
Lost my mind
But I keep my heart
I can not hear
I can not see
I can not speak
But I can FEEL

I am not beautiful
I am not smart
I am not talented
I am not rich
But I am not BLIND

About the TRUTH

Books around me

Yes! I am a bookworm and I really proud of this lol :) so I will move to my new house maybe on April so a few weeks ago I try to arrange my books, and I have to accept a fact, my books separate in 4 places, my main bookshelf doesn't fix anymore. Maybe my collection not like you which is can be more than 2000 :) for novel I just have around 300 and yeah comics it's around 800 mostly--> (me and my brother collection). The exiting thing about my new house is I will have my own library yeay!!! I have been dreamed in on it for a long time... :) but the problem is I don't think we have money to but new bookshelf...actually I don't want put them on plastic shelf or boxes, I prefer wood bookshelf...so I will try to figure it out how to buy or make new bookshelf...

I love physically rounded by books, they make me feel comfortable and like in another world. Beside my bed, always has books because I can't sleep before read a book or comic. :D I think I'm so lucky because my mom introduce me books when I was a child, she always bought me children books. Thanks mom for that habit :)

Every time I go to malls I have to visit a bookstore, check any new books or just window shopping in bookstore :) the sad thing is when I find a good book and I can't buy them because I don't have money....so I have to wait until I got the money...

so I took some picture of my bookshelf and boxes lol

as you can see one of the shelf already broken XD

I Admire You

We have people or someone who's be admired and give us inspiration, either for our life's education, or maybe for professional life. They are part of us even they don't know anything about us, don't know our name and who we are, but we feel like they are our family, our friends. Mostly they give you encouragement to be a better person and to catch your dreams, with their achievement, creations, statements and their own life. I have some who has give me motivation and effect me in many ways :D

1. JK. Rowling
Yes! the phenomenon author of Harry Potter series :) I know her books since I was 14 years old so it's mean has been 11 years :D, I heard her name and her books from news on TV and at that time her books hadn't be released in my country. 1 year after I watched that news I got a newsletter from one of famous publishing in here about Harry Potter book and I was so happy! called my best friend, told her about this book and she was so confuse what I was talking about. lol. So finally the books had been released and I become Potterholic hahahaha, until now for sure. Honestly the first time I saw her name I thought she was a man * sorry Jo*.

Her books have helped me in many ways especially for my senior high school life. I didn't like my first year in my senior, I hate my lessons, felt so lonely and abandon, School like a horrible thing ever! every time I went to school, I felt like go to hell, but Harry Potter has helped me to make school be better. I started to imagine my school like Hogwarts and I was in Gryffindor, the teachers whose I didn't like I set my mind they are Snape, Lockhart, voldemort, etc. And you know what,it was work :) I felt better and can pass my senior high school with joy :) I never forgotten about this. Somehow she has encouraged me to write and write :) because of her I decide to be a writer someday.

2. Michael Jackson
I have written about him before, but still not enough :). He gives me more than just motivation about the passion of work but also for life and spiritual, and I think not all artist can do the same thing like him. He has influenced me in many ways about music, arts, writing, and life. I love music because of him, I love concert because of him, I love poems because of him, I be and still wanna be a better person and more close to God because of him. He has encouraged me dare to dream and catch them with passion and hard work and don't forget with LOVE. Like I said before JK.Rowling encourage me to write and yes she does it for the first step, and the rest Michael does it I mean he makes me to keep my dream and makes it strong and he makes me sure about what is my purpose life for. He teaches me to be brave and dare and nothing possible as long you believe in :). Thank you Mike for everything :) LOVE

3. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

One of my wishes list and one of my childhood dream was be a detective, and it was because Sir Doyle :). He teaches me about logic and see other side in every case we have meet and every problems have their own conclusion. very use full for our life :)) he always be my favorite detective writer :D


4. Helena Bonham Carter
She's my favorite actress! She plays in many movie as an eccentric character with uniquely.I think she's brilliant! because not easy to play as eccentric character like that. First I don't really mention and like Bellatrix Lestrange in Harry Potter series, but when I watched her as Bellatrix I said WOW!she's cool! she acts like a psycho and love to kill *gosh* same like in Sweeney Todd movie :D Excellent.
What I learn about her is be eccentric and different is not a big deal and they're a gift and we should explore and use them in positive way and it will be shine! :D She's awesome!!!!



5. Julia and Jamie Oliver
Two great chef! :) they inspire me to explore and make experiment about food :) and make me always try new stuff with new recipes that i never made before :D and of course not just delicious but healthy :D

They are some of people who's I admire :)because of them I can be who I am today:) and I really proud of them. LOVE!

Crazy Week

Finally I got the new week, the last week of this month, time's like marathon and I'm still here even actually I have some improvement about my career life, just need one a good answer from that magazine but I send my wish to God's hand, I just do my best and the rest is God's work :) anyway last week was like crazy a lot of things I had to do, accordingly my job tests and meet my friends *I really love it* went to an other city, refreshing and got new adventure. But I don't have time to write my YA and honestly it makes me feel so guilty and stress. I should arrange my time better, so I think I should make some plans for this new week because I have some important occasions,one of my good friend will go to China and my cousin's getting married.Honestly I will miss her *read this phiez* lmao! because we spent many times to hang out and went to cinema *we love movies* and for sure one of woman's bad habit "gossips" . I will miss that moments :)
I know live must go on, but sometimes I feel like...when we're getting older we'll get new things and experiences but at the same time we lost many things. I hope I will get the great week, starting tomorrow!
New days but I already have my new schedule for tomorrow

YOU!

Judge me!
Hate me!
Kill me!
You always prejudge
You don't know me
But you have made a figure
Who are you?!
Dare say bad things about me

You even don't know me
Your words full of sins and curses
Your heart is black like your mind
You say love and smile
But they are just mask and fake
You can make illusions to others
But not to me
You trick people's heart
To against me
But I prepare a sword of truth

Your words full of sins and curses
Your heart is black like your mind
Remember enemies! you have been warned
The truth always win
Maybe not on earth
But yes it is in Heaven

Wish Me Luck!

It's such a long time I become a jobless not really jobless actually because I just can't stand and don't do anything so I make my self busy, like join a community and made some events with them :D and of course writing! So around 2 weeks ago I applied a job as editorial staff in local magazine for food column, so actually I don't expect too much about that because I don't have any experience before I just graduated and even I had a job training. So one week after I sent my application I got an email from them, they said they put me on their recruitment program and the first step I had to fill their form, questions and a test, I filled all they asked to me including they asked me to give them my writing sample and sample of food styling, oh my God I really confuse and didn't know what to do, my sample writing? I just thought if it's for food column so I should be write about food or restaurant at least, and the problem is I just have poems and novels which is never been finished, but I tried to keep calm and think what should I do, so I started to write about one of my favorite Japanese restaurant, I just do my best :) and I still confused it will be enough for them? so I called my friends and they asked me
"do you have some writing has been published?"
I said " yeah, soon on March but they are poems and one short story inspired by Michael Jackson and they are for Michael Jackson book."
and they said " put in together with your restaurant article"
laugh " are u seriously?"
They said " yes! just put in, they want to see your writing so put in."
I don't know why I did what they said to me even I really feel so weird but I thought "whatever will be will be" hahahahahaa and finally I sent it back, so I just wait and wait after 1 week without any notification I just feel like oh ok maybe they don't like or maybe my writing and my qualification don't match with their company. But a few days ago they called me and asked me to come and do a job interview and job test....I Just can't believe it!! but I know I should not be happy now, but at least I feel so thanks to God because I got the call :)))
I will do it on next Monday, hope everything will be ok and going well. If they hire me, one of my dream become true but if not nothing to lose :)) so Wish Me Luck all!!! :)) LOVE!

You and Me

You and me as one
I have you like my little heart
Hear your voice in every melody in the world

Me and you are many stories
We are the music, dance and stories
About hope, dream and idealism

When I remember you, my folks
Flowers and grass will whisper me
You are here with me
With timeless tick..tock..tick..tock..

A Light !

I am just the little candle
Give a light to handle
The world become rabble
Because they can’t lovable

Tell me the truth
I follow my path
I am the past
I am the future
Dream can be true
Even world be cruel

Just because you believe!

Michael Jackson is My Biggest Inspiration

I don't know how to write about him and my feeling about him because words never been enough. I have to look back my childhood until today, Everyone know he's the greatest artist in the world, he made so many changes in this life, not only in entertainment world like music, dance, and music video but he has changed many people's life including me.

I know about him from my parents it was around 1989, the first his video I watched is Beat it or Thriller, I forget which one or maybe both :). Since that day I admire him, I think he's really cool, great dancer and singer I ever known. My dad bought me a video which is called "Moonwalker" this video was the beta version and until now I still keep it. My childhood was filled by his music, dance and music video. I love to dance and sing, maybe realize or not he has influenced me. My parents are his fans too even my uncle :) and when I was in elementary school one of our TV local always show his concerts and I never missed it, even they played at 10 pm I made a promise to my parents I still can wake up in the morning, I started to know he loves children and had Neverland, I always dream and hope someday I can meet him and watch his concert, I promise to myself. But until he's gone I don't have any changes to meet him, and I really sad and mad, why I don't have enough money to buy his concert's ticket, why I don't have money to buy plane's ticket and everything I need to be there, and why he never come to my country.

I never passed his music, music video but I passed his cruel gossips not because I don't know but it's too cruel and heartless, I listened and read the news but one think I believe they are not true, I feel so sad and think like they talked about rubbish, they don't know who he is, they always make like he was strange and weird, but we are strange and weird with our ways. It's just because he's Michael Jackson, but please he's just a human being, has heart and can feel pains.

He has made so many charities, donates in everywhere, still love children with unconditionally love even people always make prejudice about him, he always give and give because he has said it makes him happy. He was care and sensitive man, and he's the chosen one, he's the visionary. Think and do more than anyone else, but what others did to him, judge him, make a joke about him. I think they and us have to take a look with our self what we have done? better than him? you can answer by your self.

What can I say...he's the package of completeness he can sing, dance, writing songs, poems, story, drawing, acting, directing, etc, and he loves this world, he loves earth, trees, animals, children, and he loves books :)he always see the positive things from others.

I see the perfect of imperfection, He really inspired me about this life and dreams. No one like him anymore, He's not God, Not saint, Not angel with white wings which is we can see by our eyes. But he's an angel in our hearts, in my hearts which is can be feel and see by our heart.

He teaches me a lot of things about this life, arts, hard work devotion and dedication. Because of him I dare to dream to be a writer and start to write poems, etc. Thank you so much Michael for everything and thanks to be you. :)
I make a new promise, one day I will go to his place in heaven and his prints on earth. I love you Michael from bottom of my heart, your body has gone but your soul never gone, but always be here in my heart. L.O.V.E!

my pray and love with him, his children and family.

Childhood or Teen's Wishes

I just saw my friend's blog p.h.i.e.z and I read her new post, it reminds me something about Dream jobs and Wishes, thanks to her :)

When I was senior high school, me and some of my best friends made "Wishes Lists" we have more than 100 wishes, mine is 140 wishes! we wrote them in the long white paper and draw it. I remember some of them, like I hope someday I will have a notebook, around the world, have my own library, school in Europe, be writer who can write and travel at the same time, be an Hollywood artist (LOL), can meet Daniel Radcliffe, Jk.Rowling, MJ, have a private island, magic wand,help people and make a better world, etc. At that time we laugh and think, if they can be real someday, it will be very great! We never thought or expect too much about our "Wishes Lists" and for me it was just like a game, but weird I still keep it below my old diary :)

So exactly today it had been 7 years ago, and when I opened it again, I found 22 wishes became real!!! wow! feel like a magic. But some of them still be my mission :) anyway I don't ask you to make the same thing like me but just keep believe it, but yes they need process and times.

Some of them make me feel so amazing because until know I still feel I can make it and they always stay in my heart.